Monday, August 3, 2009

i think something is wrong...

something is wrong with my relationship. I can't figure out what it is, maybe i'm bored.. maybe i'm too busy. maybe i just want that SPARK back.. i just don't know what it is or what to do.

We've talked about it but i'm not sure that did any good.

I can't figure out if it's going to get worse before it gets better or what....

What the HELL am I supposed to do? We're practically married.. i'm not just going to give up because i can't figure out what's wrong with US. ps.. that's the "norm" for me.. i'm quick to give up. so it's hard for me to stick around and wait for the "worse" to then wait for the "better".

He's convinced it's me, because of my "after the baby" hormones still going crazy AND he "knows" that it's my self esteem too.. (which is true, i've never been this big in my whole life and it's REALLY getting to me.. my body hurts because I don't think i'm supposed to be this big, my little bones can't carry this much weight! I'm getting stretch marks in places that shouldn't have stretch marks and i just wish that i appreciated my high school body because, i was little then but in my own head?? i was still "sooo fat") It's ridiculous how girls think.. why are we NEVER good enough?

I love my Brynlee and i could never ever take her away from her daddy.. no way, i'm not ready to "give up" and she's my reason for that but am i going to stick around and be an grumpy bitch hating my life all the time just so she can be with her daddy?? She's 100% worth it but what is it doing to me??

i will never cheat because i know how that feels.. worst feeling in the world but.... i have all these new "crushes" and all these knew "thoughts" and i SHOULDN'T!
I'm 20 years old.. i should be in the middle of my life and loving it. I should be in the dating scene, or maybe in smack dab in the middle of my "honeymoon" stage.. but i'm not. we're way passed that and i can't go back. i can't get that feeling back. Do i try to find it somewhere else?? no way...

ughhhhh... i could go on and on about it but i don't know what good that will do either!
HELLLLP!
it's been about 3 years together and i think that our relationship has hit a RIDICULOUS plateau... i'm not sure what to do.

Has anyone been in this situation?? Can someone, anyone give me SOME sort of advice...

sorry i'm all over the place, my thoughts are a little scattered today..

5 comments:

Kings said...

oh honey!!! You need to come talk to me and vince...We have been there, done that, and we are happier than ever right now. You gotta stick it out. talk to me!

Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! I know what this feels like; trust me. I think all relationships go through a dead spot and you just have to work through it. Figure out what you are unhappy about, and if it's something inside you or your weight or whatever, do what you need to do to fix YOU and make you happy again. If it's your relationship, staying with Nick just for Brynlee will end up hurting all of you even worse. My husband stayed with the 'real mom' for three years after he knew it was over because of Punk, and it would have been so much easier if he had just left in the beginning of the end.

If you ever need anything, let me know! My relationship has not been an easy one so I am a good listener for these sorts of things. :)

little ms. sassy shelby said...

Oh dear I'm sorry! We have SO been there and it sucks sucks sucks times a million. Trust me, it's not just you and Nick that have had a dry spell. We've been there and it was hard.

Sometimes we forget that a relationship requires work every single day. A lot of times it falls by the wayside because we (especially you as a working mama) have so much going on.

My advice? Talk to Nick. Tell him that you don't like feeling like you're in a rut and want to make things better. Figure out things that will make that spark come back. For us it was weekly date nights and a common hobby ground. Does that make sense? We love movies so we rent a new one, pop some pop corn and cuddle up on the couch. Have someone babysit Brynlee and just be alone. It's so important. I have about a billion other things that might work but I think this comment is plenty long :) Text me if you want more advice/ ideas. I'm always good for a chat. Good luck hun!

Sell...Party Of 3 said...

I told myself that I wouldn't give advice ever again. If you want me to listen, I will. =)

My heart is sad for you.

The weight problem is the story of my life...you are lucky you are just having it now. I think that I have been fat since elementary school. Seriously.

You deserve the best...whatever it is!

Lacey said...

Hey girl its the hormones just keep your head up!! I know what your feeling and I think you and Nicholas can work it out! Sometimes its not meant to be but I think that you guys are. You just need something to perk ya up and it will make everything else come together!